just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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