hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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