you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
