I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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