I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
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You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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