She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
