This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
