Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
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i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
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He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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