He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
