i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
