i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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