So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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