Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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