She just used a chaser for red wine.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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