So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
