i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I enjoy the company of your penis
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