College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
