WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
