I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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