Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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