tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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