Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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