Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
