Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
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