This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
