i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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