Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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