hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
