we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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