I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
