we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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