Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
