I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
