porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
