were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
