Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
