She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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