I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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