overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
