Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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