as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're a waste of cheezeits
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
