I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This is the prime rib incident all over again
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
