I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
