Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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