i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
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My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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