You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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