When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
