I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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