I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Drunk is not a location!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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