dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
