her vagine was all disorganized.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
