I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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