Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
