This is not my ceiling
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
