She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
