With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
