Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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