That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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