we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
