The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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