At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
