My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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