i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
