If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I had to cum in my sink.
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