what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize