dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Everyone says I win the strip club
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
