No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
