Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
