I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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