If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
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shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
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There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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