WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
