I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
