Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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