She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
