Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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